I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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