Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
