I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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