I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
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I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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