It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
