Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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