Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
