I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
