I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
