I got chris browned last night
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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