ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
