Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
