there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
