the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
