i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
