I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
