I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
