i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
