God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
