Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
