Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
