My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
