Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
