Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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