Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
