Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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