Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
