White coat. Heels.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I need a burrito and a hug.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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