dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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