Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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