who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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