In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
