I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
