Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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