I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
too bad you live with your parents still
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
