And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
