theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
