hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
