Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she woke up with a sticky ear
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
