her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
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