I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
