He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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