Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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