im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
