dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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