well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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