Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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