A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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