We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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