you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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