Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize