I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
