Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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