if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
