LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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