I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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