i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
