is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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