When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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