If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
