Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
