I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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