I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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