Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Two words: nipple clamps
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