just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
