Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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