If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
