I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Four minutes until I can fart!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
