i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
