He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
