Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
