Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
