My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So apparently I’m into choking now
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