Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
