Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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