I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
