if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
