I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
