dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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