Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
