Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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